Help you
by Shulik
Summary: What happens when Faith comes across Castiel who along with Dean and Sam is in desperate need of help?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Whedon owns Buffy and Faith, Kripke owns Dean, Sam and Castiel.  
I'm just a poor student with an overactive imagination.

Language, sexual situations and silly bartering up ahead!  
Enjoy and remember, reviews give me the happies!

"Nice…vessel."  
Castiel audibly swallowed as his throat suddenly became very, very dry. The brunette woman in front of him was stroking the lapels of what her friend laughingly referred to as his 'holy tax accountant' coat. She turned to look at her blonde companion.  
"So can we B, pleeease?" her plea sounded like a petulant twelve year old asking for a new Barbie.

B, who had earlier introduced herself as Buffy, shook her head in exasperation and pinched the bridge of her nose as she exhaled noisily.  
"Faith, we are *not* going to help them with their apocalypse just so you can get laid."

The brunette terror, *Faith*- Castiel had to remind himself of her name, just smiled beautifically.  
"Oh come on B, don't tell me you're not getting bored. With all the mini-slays popping out of the wood like freakin' roaches, me and you are getting a little lazy in our old age. Besides, the next big apocalypse is scheduled for next month. We're good to party till then."  
She licked her lips as her gaze travelled up and down, enveloping Castiel with heat and thoughts of terror, uncertainty and dare he say it? A little anticipation. Maybe his vessel's bodily functions were a lot more dominant than the angel had previously considered.

Castiel whipped his head around to beseech his ex-charge for help in this highly unbecoming situation, only to find that Dean was standing in front of them with a contemplative look in his green eyes and a silly smile on his lips. Samuel just stood at the blonde's side giving the whole group incredulous looks, like he couldn't believe what was about to happen.

Buffy gave a loud sigh of acquiescence.  
"Fine. You're right, it is getting a tiny bit boring in the land of tweed. Besides, it might be fun to have a full blown apocalypse on home soil again." She smiled.  
Sounding almost wistful she added, "It's been a long time since I've gone up against a god, I figure Lucifer should be a challenge."

A cough of shock sounded from Samuel, everybody swiveled their heads around to look at him.  
"I'm ok…*cough, cough* Just go back to discussing whatever you were discussing before."

Castiel started looking around for any miraculous reinforcements that might decide to pop in.  
Dean gave a loud laugh and smacked his thigh with glee.  
"Well alrighty then. You ladies will help us stop the apocalypse, and in return, we promise you a month with Cas over here."

Castiel finally found his voice again. He shoved Dean away from the two women.  
"You *cannot* do this! I will not be bartered back and forth like a fallen woman!"

Dean shoved him back and hissed, his voice low so that the others would have a hard time hearing him.  
"Now listen here, you pulled me into this fucking war and you expect me to finish it. These two girls have stopped twelve apocalypses by their last count, they've gone up against frikin GODS! We need all the help that we can get, so if that means you have to go play Suzy Homemaker with a hot chick for a month, then that means that you'll learn to bake pie and whatever the hell she wants you to do!"

Castiel bowed his head and nodded, he knew that with his defection from the Heavenly garrison they would have no backup. Other hunters had given up on helping the Winchesters on account of them screwing up more often lately. They really had no choice, and besides, if he was honest with himself, the tiny spark of excitement inside his chest insured that this would be yet another experience in humanity that Castiel might appreciate in the long run.  
They turned back to the women and he cleared his throat, hesitatingly he voiced his acknowledgement of their terms.

"Fucking awesome B!" the brunette slayer was practically bouncing with excitement.  
"This is so wicked, now I'll be able to tell people that I popped an angel's cherry! Hell yeah!" she was practically vibrating with energy.

Buffy tilted her head at the angel, subconsciously parroting Castiel's most often used move.  
"How do you know he's a virgin?"

Faith scoffed at her sister slayer.  
"Dude, I can tell a virgin by like a mile away."

Her blonde friend cackled, "Yeah, it's one of your lesser known talents."

Dean started laughing as he slapped Castiel on the back.  
"Sometimes, you just gotta take on for the team."  
He leered at Faith.  
"Although I really wish I was the one doing all the heavy sacrificing."

She snorted inelegantly, "Please Dean-o, if I wanted to screw myself I'd just stick to masturbation."

Buffy snickered at the situation.  
Faith was practically salivating about getting her hands on a three thousand year old virgin, Dean was laughing along with her and only Sam seemed disturbed by it all. He voiced his displeasure loudly, wearing what Dean later told her was his 'bitch face.'

"Dean, you do realize that we just pimped out an angel?"


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer:  
Whedon owns Faith

Kripke owns the wimpy, weirdo Lucifer.

"Huh…"

Faith Lehane tilted her head at the blond man before her, even squinting her gaze did nothing to alleviate the fact that he looked like a cracked out Iowa farmer with delusions of grandeur. She tried looking at him from a different perspective, even going so far as taking a step back and seeing if he looked more threatening from a distance. Nope, didn't work. The devil was still a skinny guy wearing plaid.

"See something you like little girl?"

Faith grinned widely and crowed, " I KNEW IT! I frikin *knew* that the devil just HAD to be a blonde!*"

She bounced on her heels with glee, "oh B is going to *love* hearing 'bout this tonight!!"


	3. Chapter 3

Buffy and Faith belong to Whedon  
Kripke owns the rest.

" Hey B, so guess who I met on patrol the other night?" Faith flopped on her motel bed, stretching out her body in a catlike fashion.

Her friend looked over from where she was brushing out her hair while watching the Powerpuff Girls, her secret stress reliever that only Faith and Dawn knew about. It spoke to her inner child *and* her notions of feminism.

"Enlighten me," she grinned and tossed her brush onto the bed.

"Lucifer…" Faith 'whoooed' for effect and then cackled loudly.

"Get this, the devil looks like a country fair reject. Plus he tried to turn into Dick, something about joining that side… I was too busy trying to touch him, ya know the whole First Evil thing and whatnot, so when he got all huffy and tried to slap my hands away- I just *knew* it had to be the new player in the game." Faith chuckled remembering fondly the look of outrage on the devil's face as she tried to grope, *cough, cough*- ascertain by touch if he was the First or not. The devil was definitely corporeal she realized when he slapped her hand away and huffed in offended indignation at her words of "Geez, can't blame a girl for being careful. All sorts of bad guys around." The devil looked strangely offended at her cavalier tone in his presence. She couldn't wait to see if he'd pop a blood vessel when introduced to Buffy and her endless quipping.

Speaking of Buffy,

"So is he like scary dangerous? Weird? Psycho?" she sounded excited at the possibility of facing somebody truly badass again.

Faith shook her head and Buffy pouted.

"Awww, hell B, don't do the sad face. I dunno, maybe we can ask him whether he has any cool powers like mind control or some shit like that. You never know, he's probably really good at hiding his bad-guy evilness." Buffy perked up at the possibility of the devil having any cool powers and Faith smiled at making her friend happy.  
Based off her initial meeting with him though, all she'd really seen was his ability to take on dead people's faces, his ability to manipulate elements and his super nifty plaid shirt. Hopefully he was a little scarier that he first came off as, if he presented a challenge to Buffy then she wouldn't try to kill Faith for suggesting that he was truly a ten on the ol' Scooby Apocalypse Scale- first developed after Angelus and perfected with the craziness that was Glory.

Faith jumped off the bed and headed towards the shower, tossing a quick grin over her shoulder.  
She stopped as a pertinent thought came to her,  
"Yo, how come the Winchesters with their damn angel that they promised me haven't shown up lately?"

Buffy grinned widely at the thought of the still embarrassed angel who refused to look anywhere near Faith with her constant leering in his direction and her ever present cleavage that she didn't hesitate to blatantly display to the world.

The dark slayer had a scowl on her face as she whipped out a cellphone from her skintight leathers, and just *where exactly did she hide it?* Buffy was amused to see that Faith had programmed Castiel's cellphone into her speed dial.  
Her slayer hearing picked up his hesitant 'Hello?' as he picked up the phone. Apparently still trying to get used to modern techonology, Castiel treated his phone as a necessary evil. Useful in certain situations but not to be trusted under any circumstances.

"Hey, I had a meet and greet with out boy today. Be a doll and pop in, we ain't in this shit for shits and giggles remember? It's *your* apocalypse we're dealing with…" Faith managed to sound both threatening and come-hithery. She hung up her phone and tossed it to the bed along with her tank top.

"Hey B, tell the boys to wait until I get out of the shower for the details. Don't want them missing anything interesting…" she drawled out with a wicked smirk and Buffy knew that she'd walk out covered with one of those itsy bitsy towels just to make a bigger impression on the guys. She giggled with anticipation and settled in for the wait.


	4. Chapter 4

Usual disclaimers apply  
I don't own Buffy or Faith- they belong to Whedon.

I sure as hell don't own the Winchesters or Castiel, if I did- do ya really think I'd be on my computer instead of doing something insanely rich-persony?

Castiel was feeling distinctly uncomfortable as he sat on Dean's bed. The phone call from Faith was a clear signal that she and her sister slayer were expecting them, and in particular him, to honor their agreement. He silently waited for the brothers to enter the room from the outside, he knew they were just coming in from getting dinner and were thus more likely to be amenable to his suggestion that they accompany him to meet the girls. Now Castiel was an angel, as badass as they came, but he was still feeling very disturbed by the whole situation and Dean, as sad as that was to admit, was the closest thing he'd ever had to a friend. Sure he had his brothers, but the Winchesters weren't related to him and they still remained close whenever they needed each other.

Dean's laughter got louder and the door twisted as Sam fell into the room gesticulating loudly. The taller brother was snorting as he continued with his story and Castiel knew that they hadn't registered him in the room yet, otherwise all the signs of merriment would have faded away from Sam- he still felt guilty about Ruby and the warnings he hadn't heeded from the angels. 'As he should', a small fairly un-angel like voice in his head muttered.

"AND the manager was trying to prove that he didn't know that he had a succubus chained up in his bathroom, but holy shit- that guy couldn't lie to save his balls from being cut off…" Dean's rough voice floated in and then the man himself walked in.

Sam laughed and then stiffened as he realized someone else was in the room, his hand automatically shifted towards his weapon.

Dean's hand came up to his shoulder, gently pushing his hand away from the gun.

"Dude, it's just Cas, chill."

Sam sighed as he pawed his brother in irritated affection.

"Hands off," and then he turned to Castiel, "you really should wear a bell or something. Or at least call before you arrive, like polite people do."

Castiel decided against reminding him of the fact that neither he or his brother were what would be termed as polite people, or that he was in fact not a person.

"I've had a call from our mutual acquaintance, it seems that we are summoned."

Dean smirked and winked at him.

"Your little friend is calling you now? How'd she get your number?"

Sam interrupted with his more pressing concern of "You have a cell phone?" He looked incredulously at Castiel and the angel shifted in weary resignation. Ever since he had gotten the damn contraption he felt distinctly unangel-like, but he had to have some way of keeping tabs on his more troublesome charges.

"Yeah dude, he has a cell phone, he even got one of this cool numbers with all the nines in it."  
Dean grinned at his brother and turned to Castiel.

"How *did* you manage to wrangle a phone by the way? I've been meaning to ask you."

"I talked to the nice young man at the telephone company, he was fairly helpful."

The angel wasn't sure why the brothers were giving him these strange looks. It wasn't like he didn't interact with other humans besides them was it?

Dean coughed and moved towards the table that held Sam's laptop on it, sitting down he crossed his legs and raised an eyebrow at Castiel and the still standing Sam who looked like he didn't know where to sit.

Dean gesticulated to the chair beside him and Sam slowly made his way over.

"SO what's going on with our slayer friends?"

Castiel looked at his vessel's hands, it seemed like he had picked up a few nervous habits while hanging around with the humans. He turned them over and gazed at the birthmark beside his pinky.

Dean cleared his throat again.  
"Cas you there?"

"The dark haired one has met Lucifer, she has news to tell us. And apparently, we are supposed to 'stick close'. Her words, not mine."

Dean laughed a full belly laugh, he even slapped his hand against his thigh in merriment.

"Cas man, the dark haired one's name is Faith. I suspect you know that, but if you wanna stay in denial, be my guest."

Castiel glared at the human and idly wondered if threats of imposed impotence would make him seem more threatening.

Sam, ever the peacemaker decided to step in.  
"They're probably right, we recruited them for their help. We can't really stay across town while they go out looking for trouble."

He turned to Castiel.  
"Which hotel are they staying at?"

"The Windsor Arms I believe."

Sam whistled appreciatively as Dean let out a "Whoa, swanky…"

The elder Winchester clapped his hands in anticipation and jumped off the chair.  
"Alright gentlemen, let's get this how on the road. We've got us an angel to humiliate, and two freakishly strong superhero chicks to question about the devil!"

He turned to his little brother and winked.  
"Surprisingly phrases like that don't even register on my weird meter anymore."

Sam rolled his eyes and Castiel adopted his recently more often used 'puppy-going-to-the-execution' expression. The two men and one angel gathered their belonging and headed out to the black Impala waiting for them in the parking lot.


End file.
